Sometimes I have wondered if it would be better to work on my emotional strength directly, by using cognitive behavioral techniques and forcing myself to plow through discomfort, rather than whittling down my defenses so that I can become more of a scared child. I've seen plenty of accounts online from people who have been in treatment for several years and still nowhere close to being healed. I'm kind of afraid that I could do therapy for years and be fully inhabiting my vulnerable child self by the end, but with no improvements in my adult life. But for now, I actually seem to be going backwards, getting weaker instead of stronger. I am hoping to one day become successful and highly functional as a result of working through my issues in therapy.
This is not very compatible with my job or other responsibilities, or with my relationships. There is something cathartic for me in inhabiting that child self, rather than stuffing her down with anger and avoidance.īut I'm not really sure how this is supposed to end? I have been feeling more young and vulnerable in my everyday life as well as in therapy. I've been with this t for about four months now, and he has always had an ability to speak to an inner 5 year old whom I didn't even know existed, while simultaneously addressing the adult self sitting in front of him.
